Holidays

We had a wonderful holidays! We had many places to go to and parties to attend. The kids never heard from their BM during this time. Although they don't even seemed bothered by this anymore and don't even ask to call her if she has tried to call, it makes disgusted that she wouldn't attempt. I just can't imagine being away from my kids during the holidays and not even calling them. This is the stuff that makes me so frustrated with the situation. The BM doesn't really care like a mother should but insists on raising Cain when she gets a wild hair to play mom. I very rarely ever get a break from our kids, as I am the primary caretaker (and believe I should be). Other than school they are right under my feet 24/7. And sometimes I need away so badly. Just to be alone and not have to take care of someone, and share myself with the little people. And so when husband see' s that my head is about to spin around like a top he will take me somewhere or hold the fort down while I leave for a day or two. (Because he is a good man) I want the break and NEED the break but after a day I start missing my kids. I couldn't fathom going days and weeks without calling them and just getting to talk to them. But then again I couldn't imagine walking out on my marriage and just leaving my kids behind. I look at them and think about that and it absolutely makes me hate her (the BM). When I took my vows I committed to my husband AND to the kids that came with my marriage. I vowed to accept responsibility for these kids and too also love them unconditionally. That means with or without him in the picture, I vowed before God, to commit myself to my kids. 

And on a side note; I couldn't decide what to refer to the kids' biological mother as, I didn't want to be tacky and refer to as her most suitable name that me and my husband use. So I settled on "BM" as "Biological Mom" and the fact that it's also short for "Bad Mother". which is the nicer name that I could use while being completely  honest.

Editing Disclaimer!!!!!!!!!!!!

I probably should have started by posting this disclaimer first. I am a creative thinker, NOT an editor! I love to write. I like to write stories, write my prayers out, journal for myself and my kids, write notes to people, write Thank you cards, and I scratch down random quotes and clever sayings that inspire me. I love words and putting my thoughts onto paper. It was the best therapy growing up and just stuck with me. I get all the words in my head and just want to write and often I get these writing whims at night when I'm sleepy (and sloppy). So I just write. I don't spell check, grammar check, punctuation check or any other check. I just throw the words out there and try to keep up with my thoughts. So.... you anal editor' s (a dear friend who see' s these and is definitely one)... forgive my lack of attention to the detail. I'm just trying to keep up with and empty my racing mind.

The kids own perspective.

Thankfully I was able to very easily slide into my role as step mom/New parent. Even though I hadn't yet had any children. There really wasn't a transition period for me. I knew what my role would be if I wanted the job. And I knew I wanted the job.
As a very young child I became very comfortable with the concept of "step parents". Through out my life I've had 4 step (or "potential" step) moms and about to have my 3rd step dad. This is a subject that I am all too familiar with. I believe I was loving and  accepting of each of these "additional" parents that came into my life. However my step mom whom I refer to as "Mom",  I  have had for like 16 yrs now takes the cake. I remember taking to her immediately. She came into my life when I was 14. This also just so happened to be when I was going to need her the very most. God knows our needs! The next few years for my natural mom (whom I refer to as my Mother) and I became very strained to say the least. My Mom was there to give me spiritual guidance, pray over me, teach me, and love me.
 As a Sr in high school I could no longer handle my home life with my mother and step father and moved in with my Dad and my Mom. Through her actions,words and direction I learned so much. I learned to be a strong young woman confident in how God made me, learned the wife's true role, how to parent with love according to God's word, and most of all I learned to be step mom loving my children unconditionally and no different than if I had given birth to them myself.
 I knew that God had brought an amazing woman into my life but I had no idea that during that time she was training me to fulfill my destiny.

secondstring: being a substitute as distinguished from a regular, a backup

I thought long and hard about what I could use as a title when referring to myself and other moms in my position. I have always found it almost insulting to refer to my mom as my step mom.  She is far too diserving to have such generic title. When speaking about my kids I never utter the word step kids. I don't think of them as my "step kids" or "my husband's kids". They are my kids! I am their primary care giver. I do all the dirty and often unappreciated jobs that are required for raising children. When I knew I would marry my husband and commit to him for the rest of my life I also knew that I would vow to love and accept responsibility for these kids for the rest of my life. I did just that and it hasn't been the easiest of jobs but it is rewarding. And above all I know that I am doing exactly what God has prepared me to do, exactly where God has guided me to be. I am fulfilling my calling.